july 10,2011 1:00am

its about 1am
do i deserve be treated like this?
dear heart...
im sorry if your hurt again!!!
im sorry for his selfishness
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry if his treatment hurts you!
im sorry
im sorry


(updates...)
my whole week was so stressing!
study study study

and just meet my long lost friend mary grace

dear heart,,,

im sorry if he hurts you...
im sorry if his immaturity hurts you...
im sorry if all the words that has been said and done hurts you...
im sorry if everything hurts...

please stop beating...
so i'll stop living and you wont feel any pain again. ;)

from:
ms. suicider! (lynlyn)

curse

june 28,2011
its my mom's birthday
and having a bad night...
and it really tear my heart
when i receive a text message
telling me "gagabaan ka gihap"
i really dont know how to react but i just leave a smile before i say gudnyt...

(sigh)
(sigh)
(sigh)

stuck!

trying to figure out everything...
as in everything!!!

MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA AT ANG SAKIT SAKIT NA...

May mga bagay na panahon lang ang makakapagturo sayo.
Tulad kung gano mo kamahal ang isang tao.
Madalas malalaman mo lang kung gano mo sya kamahal pag wala na sya sayo.
Umaasa ka na lang na sa paglipas ng panahon, maibabalik mo kung anong nawala sayo.
O kung hindi na maibabalik ang dati,
babaguhin na lang ng panahon ang lahat ng bagay.
Pero bakit hindi binabago ng panahon ang puso mo?

Bakit kahit alam mong tapos na ang lahat pilit mong binabalikan yung simula at lagi mo tinatanong:

Pano kaya kung mas minahal ko sya?
Pano kaya kung hindi mo nalang sya minahal?
Pano kaya kung hindi nalang kayo nagkakilala para mabura nalang siya sa ala-ala mo? Pano kaya kung noong nagkatagpo kayo,
ibang tao ka at ibang tao rin sya,
sa ibang pagkakataon,
sa ibang lugar,sa ibang panahon.
Maiba din kaya ang tadhana nyo?
Kamay mo ba ang hawak nya?
Pangalan mo na ba ang bukang bibig nya?
Ikaw na ba ang nasa tabi nya?
Ikaw na ba ang kayakap nya?
Ikaw na ba ang mga dahilan ng mga ngiti nya?

(ITS BEEN A YEAR BUT I CAN STILL FEEL THE PAIN)

hooked up

just listening to the song "miss you like crazy"
=(
=(
=(
=(
=(
to the person out there...
your still the best pain i ever had.

-march 1,2011 when i found out about your wedding (just 1 year after you leave me alone)
i cried so much. been telling to my self i should be the one beside you, i should be the one who's wearing that wedding dress i should be the one who's using that family name. IT SHOULD BE ME!!!

-just this may 2011 i found out also about your baby juriss... I'm happy for you and hope your happy with your life now. sorry for unsolicited visit on your sites i know i should stop it... anyway good luck to your chosen endeavor...

sex, sex , sex

How many times a week do you have sex? Okay, maybe we need to back it up a bit: How many times a month do you have sex? If you can't answer that one, you definitely need to read this.

How about this question: Do you enjoy the sex that you have? Are you sexually satisfied in your relationship? Here's an even better one: how often do you orgasm?


What if I told you that having sex, actually enjoying it, and especially orgasming multiple times a week is related to numerous health benefits, emotional well-being, and even a longer life! Would you put down the computer and head off to the bedroom?


Well, as you might have guessed, an active sex life is associated with a lot of great things, both physical and psychological.


Whatever you do today, try and make time for sex tonight! hehehehe

connect-connect

just this day i found out!!!
the answer i've been looking for...
with just a piece of paper
it answers all those
hanging questions!!!
blah blah blah

(malapit talaga ako kay lord)
hehehehe....

youtuberz

pls. vivit www.youtube.com/zxyvhen for videoblog
(sorry cant change my URL its my old account)

google search: tobz101
zxyvhen101
zxyvhen

goodbye fellow

i've decided...
just this moment...
and its final..
i know they would not understand me...
but i dont care (sound selfish)

just to stop the feeling of bitterness
and to stop thinking that "life is unfair"

this is the only way...

you can run but you cannot hide

don't wanna open may Facebook ...
don't wanna see updates from my friends from my old friends from the person who's been part in past life.

they're having peaceful life,contended, successful career
and here i am miserable,alone and hopeless!!!


BITTER!!!!

L O V E

breaks your heart, makes you cry,and emphasizes the weakness you fight to hide.



But you take it and give in.....



Simply because, deadly things,



Even for a while....



Deceitfully feels right. :'(

you never did anything but i find you extremely annoying!

hate that...at the early part of our relationship he made me cry :(

i was crying the whole day :(

but what i really hate... i care and im starting get jealous :(

B-I-T-T-E-R

bitter!!!
always bitter!!!
forever bitter!!!

the hell!

there are lot of things bothering me right now!!!

wish!!!

hope i wont wake-up tomorrow...
hate having A MISERABLE LIFE...
=(

Watcha' think?

Do I deserve to be HAPPY?

live love and die

even the most understanding person in the world also gets tired.. Give importance to those people who love and care for you,coz' they are the one's who will be beside you,when the whole world condemns you.. And if you don't,you might see yourself,all alone..

LoNeLiNess+ cold weather+ tired

i must and i will be okay or just even pretend to be one,though my world is tearing me apart,and even though everything's messed up.. You, me, them and the situation.. Guess I'm gonna fight this battle, Alone.. :'(

fears

im just afraid to trust too much...
to believe in everything,
it might gone to waste...
or worst it would mess up my life...

life...

Life changes every minute of everyday. You lose friends, you gain friends.
You realize your friend wasn't really your friend. And that person you used to hate can make a really good friend.
You look for love. You find love. You lose love. You realize that all along you've been loved.
You laugh, you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn't done that.
You learn from that and are glad that you did.
You have your ups, you have your downs.
You see good movies, you see bad movies.
You look at others and wish you were them.
You then realize who they are and are glad that you're you.
You love life, you hate life.
In the end you just find yourself to be living life no matter what's thrown at you.

DSLR

its almost 3 years!!!
since i planned to buy DSLR camera!
been reading a lot of tutorials thru net
and i even enrolled myself last 2009 for photo-shoot tutorials
the heck... cant even save a single centavo for this!
D90 or D80!!!

behind the 3months rule

do you know the 3 months rule?
would you still care about that before you enter the relationship?
how bout if you discover that the day you were officially it was only few days before they broke-up or lets just say there was no official break-up it was just "implied"
would you feel some fear that he might do it to you the same way he did to his past?
what i mean "yung parang damit ganun ganun lang" just like what ASSHOLE did to me.
is it really important that before you enter in a relationship you would know the timeline of his past relationship? how bout if its complicated of course it would drive you nuts viewing the timeline of his relationship...
how bout the timeline he's telling was not the real one...
how bout if you discover the real timeline.
as time goes...by chance or just accidentaly i was able to connect every lil details.
don't have the courage to open the topic or even ask him.
as of now i wont give a damn to this issue.
i wont look for any details that would just bother me except if someone would inform me without asking or by chance i would discover details without finding them.
because id rather stick to the sayings
THINGS YOU DONT KNOW WONT HURT YOU!
AND ITS NON OF MY DAMN BUSINESS!

sigh

you cant change
what's already happen

shit things

your a jerk!!! an asshole and immature!!!
you dont make sense and sometimes i just want to strangle you.
but on the top of that i just want to let you know
that your my EVERYTHING!

no one has an idea!!!
no one has an idea how badly i wish...
how badly i wish that...

actually no one knows the real me...
no one could understand me...

does anyone can tell the real me behind my smiling face?
NO ONE!!! cause no one has an idea what im really going thru

transparent

"rather show the true you than making me believe which is not you"

being someone which is not you in-front of me is easy to do.
but hard to do if im not with you. ;)

...NO TITLE...

I WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE WHOSE HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN,
SO HE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS...
AND HE WONT BREAK MINE

mind over heart

my heart knows things that my mind cant explain

smurf brain

We lose people we love because they are meant to love someone else.
We lose them because we are destined to find somebody else.
It is a simple fact that is sometimes hard to accept because we are too stupid to let go.

but its complicated

Sometimes people decide to just be friends,
even if their feeling is mutual.
Not because love is hard to sustain,
but because commitment complicates everything.

even thou....

pain makes you stronger

tears makes you braver

heartbreak make you wiser

thank for the past for brighter future ;)

was it bright??? hmmmm.....

ME GUSTA

me gusta happy life
me gusta not complicated life
me gusta simple
me gusta stress free life
me gusta to die!!!
why live in this hell world???
hate your judgmental stares!!!
ME GUSTA TO DIE!!!

LOL

blah blah blah...
lot of things to say!
so many thoughts to write
but cant post it right here right now!!!!
so i just have to say
blah blah blah
hahhahaha
blah blah blah
blah blah blah

in life everything has its own reasons and purpose

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there.
they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
you never know who these people may be your roommate, your neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger. when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way and sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strengths , will power of heart.

Everything happens for a reason. nothing happens by chance or my means of good or bad luck, illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of the soul. without these small test, if they be events, illness or relationships, life would be like a smooth paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless. These people you meet who affect your life and successes and downfalls you experience, they are the ones who create who you are. even the bad experience can be learned from...those lesson are the hardest and probably the most important ones...

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart... forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. if someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes...to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it. I wish you all the best in your endeavors as well as struggles in life. Have a fighting spirit and never hesitate to get back in the struggle!!!

lesson

GOD WON'T TAKE AWAY A THING THAT IS REALLY FOR YOU.BUT WHEN HE DOES,HE'LL SOON RETURN IT TO YOU,BY THE TIME YOUR PREPARED ENOUGH TO HANDLE IT. ;D

this message is for you... (???)
you have so many mistakes in your life...
but you still have time to change it...
and i'll just be right here at your side...
willing to help you and guide you...

pooped out!

Im down in a dumps...
and its driving me nuts!!!

-was dirt-

there are times that all you have to do
is to push yourself to believe on thing
which is pretty far-fetched.
it makes you feel like a smurf brain sometimes.
but all i can do is to keep my senses off
and let myself believe
that there's no LIES!!!

an akon buruhaton

pagmata,hiramos,kaon
pahuway kadali,kita telebisyon.
balhin istasyun,katurog pirawon.
pagmata,kaon,kita telebisyon
mamati hit radyo,kun ha telebesyon ako hubyaon
alas singko kulop tambay ha tindahanay.
huruharampang upod mga sangkay.
alas syete,balik ha balay,pangaon.
kita telebisyon,balhin istasyon,
hangtod mangaturog,kun pirawon.

come to think of it ;)

updates updates

its summer time!!! done with my finals, projects,reports etc. but still quite busy.

haven't done my sched for this summer...
the schedule that i suppose to do last 2010
-----------------------------
i was too busy this past few months that i wasn't able to post my updates...

february my mom undergo for a minor operation...and im the one who took care for a month. it was a busy month for me lots of adjustments...
and honestly cant jot down all those things that happen...
but everything is new to me
its not boring...
and i know im happy what i have right now
and contented who i have right now ;)

Every happy couple has at least one breakup behind them

My biggest advice for anyone dealing with the heartbreak of an unwanted breakup is to look very carefully at the person who broke up with you and look very carefully at yourself. If you are radically honest, you will see a myriad of ways that you asked for the breakup to happen as well as the ways that you deserve something better in relation to an other.

love alone

listening to the music LOVE ALONE...
while im battling alone...

"you will never understand a person until you consider things from his point of view"

i know i need more patience...
need to understand more...
i need more strength ...
i really need more!!!

coz between the two of us it would only be me who would swallow the pride...
just to put things back together ;)

FOREVER

You are the apple of my eye,

Mango of my pie,

Palaman of my tinapay,

Keso of my monay,

Teeth of my suklay,

Fingers of my kamay,

Blood in my atay,

Bubbles of my laway,

Sala of my bahay,

Seeds of my palay,

Clothes in my ukay-ukay,

Calcium in my kalansay,

Calamansi in my siomai,

Vitamins in my gulay,

Tungkod when I’m pilay,

Shoulders when I cry,

Cure to my aray.

In short...

YOU ARE MY HABANG BUHAY

???

is there something wrong???
wanted to ask this question...
but im afraid to know what's wrong...

i want to be his favorite HELLO and his hardest GOODBYE.

dont tell me you love me if your not sincere.
for a lie that strong can ruin my life and bring on a new fear.
fear to be loved, fear to love ever again.
it can cause my fragile heart to break,tear and bend.

think of all in life that will be missed because of one small broken promise.
so when when i put all of my trust deep within you.

please dont tell me you LOVE ME, unless you truly do.

My heart was closed when you came in, dont walk off and leave it open.

why do i feel this way.
i feel so guilty and at the same time happy.
wanted to bring back that night and told him...
"oppurtunity knocks once so grab it"
"im happy for you..."
"dont worry i'll be alright"
"i assure you that i wont leave you"
but everything has been said and done.
hope it was not too late.

PUTANG INA MO!!!

Putang ina mo wala naman ako gusto sayo
Pero bakit…? Ikaw ang dahilan
Kung bakit ako bili ng bili ng lintik na pre-paid sa cellphone kong bulok.
Ikaw rin yung dahilan kung bakit pumupunta ako sa downtown
Kailangan ko pa magpaganda tuwing pupunta ako doon.

Putang ina mo!!!! Wala naman ako gusto sayo
Pero bakit di ko maalis sa isipan ko na minsan nanligaw ka sakin…
Sa cellphone nga lang…
Tapos non wala lang…
Pakiramdam ko tuloy yun ay tripings lang
Dahil halos ilang buwan hindi ka nagparamdam

Putang ina mo!!! Hindi ka naman ganun ka gwapo
Ehh.. isa kalang lalaking malakas appeal
Pagpumorma hiphop na bulok!!!
Mata mo parang manok
Walang ibang alam kaya utak mo bulok!!!

Pero putang ina mo!!! Bakit ako apektado?…
Sa birthday ko hindi mo ako binati
Sa best friend ko may picture msg. May kasama pang
“HAPPY B-DAY I LOVE YOU”

putang-ina mo!!!
Minsan nga lang tayo magkita
Hindi ka manlang nadadalang tumawa
Kahit konting ngipin hindi ko Makita
Nang malaman ko kahit kunti ikaw ay nakatawa
Habang nakikita kita

Putang ina mo!!!
Matutuwa sana ako na nakikita kita
Putang inang ugali mo!!! Galit kapa yata

Putang ina mo ayaw ng barkada ko sayo
Dahil sa putang inang ugali mo
Pero putang ina mahal parin kita

Oo sige.. kaibigan nalang tayo
Kaibigan madali mo ma-uto pag empty ang puso mo
Kaibigan malalambing mo kahit tripings lang ito
Putang ina mo talaga!!!

Pero bakit?
Hindo ko makalimutan ng minsan ng text ako
At reply mo “ang sweet mo”
Sinabi mo pa hindi parin ako nagbabago
At putang ina may kasama pang I LOVE YOU

Pero.. putang ina rin
Hindi ko makalimutan ng minsan sinabi ng pinsan mo
Gusto mo raw ako, kaya lang addict raw ako
Putang ina mo ang galing mo manhusga ng tao
Hindi ko alam kung pan-iinsulto ba yun o anu?

Putang ina mo!!! Wala naman ako gusto sayo
Pero bakit sa tuwi-tuwina na-iisip ko ang kaputang inahan mo sa akin?

…naalala ko ang balita na may iba ka na raw
halos dinamdam ko ito araw –araw
kaya nga ito ang sinulat ko imbes case study sa management ko
ngti-is ako kahit walang ilaw

putang ina mo!!! Bakit hindi ka magkagusto sa akin?
Ahh… alam ko na….!
Dahil ayaw mo sa akin at friend lang ang turing mo sa akin
Kaya wala akong gusto sayo lalong lalo na wala ako pakialam sayo!

Pero putang ina gusto parin kita,putang ina talaga ako!
Kasi gusto ko ang putang ina tulad mo!
Putang ina ka talaga!!! lalong lalo na mas PUTANG INA AKO!!!

=)

In the end we only regret chances we didn't take.The relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited to long to make there comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will.

so happy!!! jan 23, 2011 11pm!!!
this what i've waited for 11 years!!!

1 month before VALENTINES DAY

Anu ang Valentines Day para sayo?

ibat iba ang tingin ng tao sa araw na ito
"isa lamang karaniwang araw"
"espesyal na araw para sa mahal ko"
"naku gastos lang yan"
"valentines day..ano yun?"
"holiday ba ngayon?"
pero bakit ganun...
karamihan na sagot ay hindi pabor para sa araw na ito..
single kasi.
tama diba?
siguro ang araw na ito...
siguro ang araw na ito ang nagpapa-alala sa akin na single ako
na loveless ako.
na hopeless romantic ako.
pero sa totoo lang
bitter lang toh hehehe
sakit ahhh
habang naglalakad ako...
nakaka-ingit yung may mga ka holding hands
yung may dalang bulaklak
yung kumain ng sabay sa resto.
yung magkadikit yung braso.
yung sweet magtinginan.
nakaka-ingit yung naka couple shirt.
sorry naman...
hanggang inggit lang ako..
single nga ehh.
sana pagdating nang araw na to may date na ako.
sana may special someone na ako.
sana may roses na ako.
may chocolates at teddy bears.
at may magsasabi sayong..
"HAPPY VALENTINES DAY"
"AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH"
......